


A Rooftop Ledge

by Alexandria (heartfullofelves)



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Episode: s02e08 A Day in the Death, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-09 22:50:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3267314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartfullofelves/pseuds/Alexandria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Owen decides how he’s going to live his non-life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Rooftop Ledge

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [BearSpirit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BearSpirit/pseuds/BearSpirit) in the [aliens_and_time_machines_prompts](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/aliens_and_time_machines_prompts) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> We Missed Each Other. He knows he would fall for her in a heartbeat, if he let himself.

_Cos my pocket's broke_  
 _My soul is stone_  
 _I ruined you again_

_And a lonely bridge_  
 _A rooftop ledge_  
 _Could just fix everything_

\- Natalia Kills, _Marlboro Lights_

 

Owen isn’t surprised that, after seeing the beauty of the Pulse, the woman on the roof decides that perhaps life is worth taking the chance after all. She thanks him for reminding her that the one glimmer of light in her dark life could be as simple as a cigarette or a cup of hot tea on a cold morning or her friends, but tells him that he is still “a bloody wanker” and “the craziest person she’s ever met” and “a total freak”. He isn’t offended; he’s been called these names more times than he can count, and he doesn’t care what people think of him. Maggie puts the cigarette packet in her pocket and vanishes.

Now alone on the rooftop, Owen concludes that he has talked a young woman out of committing suicide, and isn’t that ironic, considering how he attempted to drown himself earlier today? Until he saw the ribbons of light flowing from the Pulse, he thought that he wanted to end it all, that living in this half-dead state was a fate much worse than death, but now he doesn’t want to face the darkness that is death. He’s seen death, and he doesn’t want it. He wants to _live._ Being unable to sleep, eat, drink, or fuck is unbearable, _agonising,_ but the fear he felt when he was sucked into the darkness was worse, and he hopes that he never has to repeat that experience. Anything is better than being trapped in that dark, distorted space where something was after him. _Anything._

His thoughts turn to Tosh and her sweet voice as she asked him tonight to tell her whenever things are bad instead of locking it away inside himself. He feels reassured that he can confide in her, because they’ve been friends for several years now. They are close enough that he can share his thoughts and fears and feelings with her when he needs to, and knows that she’ll listen without judging, because she loves him.

He’s been a real jerk towards her lately, he’s well aware of that. He kissed her in order to trick her into staying behind the glass doors so he could fight Death, he broke his fingers in front of her, and he’s insulted and hurt her numerous times, but she’s mature and doesn’t hate him for being cruel, even though it would make things simpler if she did. How can she still love him after all the unforgiveable things he’s done and said to her in the past?

But she does, and he can’t deny it.

She’s the one person whose opinion of him he _does_ care about. They’ve had their ups and downs, but overall her view of him is a favourable one, and while he can’t understand why, while he sometimes wishes she despised him, he’s grateful that she doesn’t think he’s a bad person. It often seems that everyone else does.

This new step in their relationship, his promise to talk to her, is almost like when he began sleeping with Gwen – she needed to talk to someone about her new job, and he was willing to listen if it meant he got great sex out of it. With her, it was just sex, but with Tosh he could have something more, if only he could still feel. After all, before he died, he’d said yes to Tosh’s proposal of a date, and he hadn’t done that in a very long time. He’d been willing to give things with her a shot.

But being killed and brought back to life again has fucked up everything.

There’s been jealousy in their friendship – when she had Tommy, and when he had his respective affairs with Gwen and Diane – but when it comes to sex and romance, he and Tosh have always missed each other. He was either with someone else, or just not looking at her while she was single ( _That’s my fault_ , he thinks. _I was blind to what was right in front of me._ ) and now, when he’s lonely and has his eyes wide open and needs her for support, they can’t be anything more than close friends. That he can’t have either sex or a future with her is more tragic than _Romeo and Juliet_ , because he thinks the world of Toshiko, she’s hot _and_ smart, and he just knows he would fall for her in a heartbeat, if he let himself. In fact, he admits to himself, it would be all too easy to fall in love with her, given half a chance.

The loss of all his bodily functions makes his existence a miserable one, but perhaps Tosh’s friendship can make it just a tiny bit more bearable. He can’t love her with his body but he _can_ love her with his imperfect soul and his not-beating heart, and he resolves that, starting tomorrow, he’s going to show it.

Standing on the rooftop ledge with the Pulse in his hands and his face turned towards the moon shining her white light over Cardiff, he decides to take his own advice. Like Maggie, he’s going to give life a chance. Because Owen has realised that his dark life also has a glimmer of hope, and her name is Tosh.


End file.
